The girl alone on the plane

  This one was inspired by a girl on an airplane after christmas, she was alone and i was sitting next to her. Even on the short flight  I feel like I knew this girl's story... she was the future me, and i think that's what scared me the most.

She was anything but weak…

But no one saw her strength; they only saw the little girl she was…

Not the women she’s becoming…

She was so tired of feeling like the world was resting on her shoulders…

Because truthfully she will never be able to fight that battle on her own,

The only battle she can handle is the one inside her…

The one that for years continued to ruin her…

To bring her…

Pain,

Hurting,

Misery,

Because she was never strong enough or brave enough to find a way to fight it…

But now she is, and she will do anything and everything to get out of that empty hole that has continued to hold her captive.

The problem with being the step daughter...

   When I was a little girl my divorced parents both got remarried and this is about what happened....

I’m not his daughter…

Never was…

But it still manages to hurt,

Hurt in ways that I never thought were possible…

All he ever managed to give me was pain,

Pain and suffering.

Because no matter how hard I try to make it not hurt…

It does.

It makes me break down into tears…

Makes it so some days it’s a fight to remember how to take a single breath through the suffering…

Some days it feels like a battle to roll out of bed…

Because that means I will have to face the day and remember to keep a smile on my face…

Even when I'm fighting tears.

The girl I once was

  I'm not going to say that I'm someone who walks around saying woe me, because I'm not. i honestly love life and the adventures of it and every day i hear my own laughter, and not the cute boy is talking and making jokes so i better giggle kind of laugh, i mean the laugh that makes you remember that moment and you don't want to ever forget that, that feeling of pure sweet happiness... that moment were everything seems perfect in the world, and any problems you have or any mistakes you made are gone, and for those few priceless seconds, you understand happiness.
  mistakes change us, even when we aren't the one that makes them some times they make us stronger, weaker, braver, a cowered, and sometimes simply broken...

Every day I look in the mirror expecting to see something that I want to see,

I need to see something I love,

Or at least something that I like…

Maybe I’m not happy with what I see because I’m just not happy or maybe because after everything I’ve had to live with, in some ways,

I’m broken…

My heart when it was perfectly intake it was beautiful, now that it’s ruined, it’s hideous.

I am a broken sad part of someone who once brought love to a room.

Someone who used to be a person that others wanted to know.

Others wanted to fall in love with.

Because that girl was happy, nice, kind.

Now I’m broken, ruined, sad, mad, depressed.

And I don’t think that I can ever completely be that girl again.

Sometimes I can see her, the girl I once was…

And those moments I want to hold onto forever, because they are almost never seen.

I hope that one day some will see my broken heart and want to find a way to fix it; because he will love me enough to find any way he can to make me okay again.

I just hope he will always do that for me, when I’m broken he will fix me, when I’m fighting tears that he will hold me together.

 Because he will love me.

confusion....

  We all are confused, whether it is about what to wear to get someone to like you or how to make it another day in this crazy thing we all call life.
  I want someone to read my poems or stories and no longer be confused... maybe because for me authors did that, when ever i was going through something reading about the character's trials made it all easier to deal with.
  Maybe my words won't help, and maybe someone will just laugh at them but i guess that's okay... because in a crazy way I'm okay with that because i write so that i can vent my feelings without hurting anyone... And that might sound stupid or like i have a problem but i guess it helps me get all my ducks in a row.
  Okay so now that i'm done saying worthless words here's the poem:

Maybe I was just confused, 

Maybe I was broken; or there's also a chance that I was just not really there at all.

 But those words that I said, I didn't mean them...

I was scared, 

I was scared that if I let you in I might just lose a piece of me as well...

Stupid, well it might just be; But that never crossed my mind.

All I could think of was how amazing your kisses were and how great it was to be in your arms....

I never thought about the bigger picture;

and that's why I lost you... Because I was to stupid to hold on to the best thing to happen to me.

Will I regret it?

For everyday of my life I will regret saying goodbye to you, 

And it's not because I won't know what could have been it's because now I will never be able to say I tried to keep you, instead I  stayed home to protect my heart when it was already your and when you left...

You took it with you and I never saw it again.

Maybe that's why even after all these years I'm still searching for you...

And I will never stop until I can honestly say that I said goodbye.

Poetic?

so everyone says i have a natural talent for writing stories and poems.... I'm still not completely convinced so i am going to put them on here maybe once a week and you tell me what you think....
and i need complete honesty.